"Mom, how does the Tooth Fairy fly through the air?"
"How do YOU think?"
"I think moms do it."
"Ah."
"But how can a Mom be a Tooth Fairy?"
"Good moms are lots of things, Princess."
"OH."

Monday, May 10, 2010

Whew We Made it and We're All Still Here

It started on the way to church Mother's Day morning. The tears started seeping from my eyes and they just didn't stop. Yes, Josh did mention something about the as-of-yet-still-unbalanced checkbook, but that wasn't really it. Somehow, in a moment, I had convinced myself I was an utter failure.

I was tempted to make Josh take me back home, but I figured I'd be ok after awhile. Not so; I could not get the tears to stop. Then, a woman I hadn't noticed before walked up to me, hugged me, and said,

"You don't know me at all, but I see you with your children and I think you do a great job."

It was so sweet and so loving and such a risk for her, and I handed Josh the child security stickers and said to him, "I've got to go out to the car. I am a sham and a lie and I can't listen to people who don't know me tell me I'm great." And I ran away.

So Josh got the kids their donuts and told my inquiring and mystified friends that "Mother's Day is difficult at our house" and brought the kids to the car. And Josh and Buddy set to work deprogramming me. After all, Josh knew that would be his main job when he married me. All's fair.

The original plan was lunch at my favorite Mexican place; I begged Josh to take me home and he said no. Which turned out to be great, because not only do tacos ALWAYS make a person feel better, but a kid in the booth behind us got his head stuck in the wagon wheel decor. Not my kid! Not my kid! Happy Mother's Day to meeeeeeeee!

The rest of the day was filled with smallish landmines that I mostly avoided and let Josh handle. Princess chose use secret code (ie: wearing her white heeled not-for-playing-outside shoes to splash in mud puddles) to let me know she was not strong enough to play somewhere as big as outside, so she stayed in "helping" Josh with porch repairs (his gift to me. The help. Not the porch). We kept her under direct parental supervision all day, so there were no sibling wars.

But, since we hadn't given her the chance to have a tantrum all day, she had one at bedtime. It was so mundane I don't even remember what started it, but she managed to kick the top bunk off the bottom one. This, from a child who swears her baby sister is to strong to take a toy back from. So the day ended with some Happy Mother's Day Restraint on the Floor.

I came back in after she was quiet to give her a med, and I said, "I think it'll be easier to make good choices again after today. Mother's Day is hard when there are two mothers. I love you."

And as I went out the door I heard, "I love you too, Mom."

5 comments:

  1. Kerrie, I know you and you ARE a great mom. The fact that you have doubts sometimes just proves it. You want the very best for all four of your children, it's normal to think that one person can't provide that. You will have many failures in battles but you will win the war. The things you say to your children as they hurl abuse at you astounds me. I would be a lot more snarky if I had to deal with it day in and day out. You were hand picked by God (and the foster care system) to be a mother to those girls when they hadn't one to call their own. With as much as I believe you deserve every kind word said about you, I also believe you need to have the occasional breakdown. It's a release of all the negative feelings you don't let yourself feel. It has to come out. Let it out and then move on. It's normal. Mother's Day is for you, egg donor day hasn't been invented yet.

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  2. Ok I went instantly from tears of understanding exactly where you were coming from on the "Make Mother's Pay Day" to LOL about the wagon wheel.

    And if I ever meet Josh I might have to kiss him. :) He was amazing!

    You ARE a fabulous mom! Make Mom Pay Day sucks.

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  3. You both are making me cry. More. And, Lisa, Josh IS amazing. But don't kiss him. I tend toward jealousy, and I have a lot of pent-up anger. ;)

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  4. I will consider myself warned. :) How about you go kiss several times and tell him it's from a blogging fan? ;)

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  5. Hmmmmm....THAT I will do. :)

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