I REALLY don't understand. Maybe someone has a theory. When I feel like I know full well I am not doing the right thing, that's what gets results. I do not get it.
Monday, I did not really even consider myself Princess's mom. I took an emotional vacation. She was not allowed to ask me for ANYTHING. Nothing. I made her do stuff for me. And, she doesn't know where some of her toys are because she did not pick them up. Guess who does know where they are.
And yesterday, she was a complete and total delight. The first thing she said to me was, "who's making my decisions today?" Meaning: "are you my mom again?" And I replied, "you'll make some and I'll make some." Meaning: "yes, but privileges come with reciprocity." The second thing she said was, "can I rub your feet?"
This makes me wonder though. Is it a switch she can turn on and off, that she just happens to choose to keep off most of the time? Like, "whoa, I pushed mom waaaaay too far that time. Better turn it on for the day"? Or, she can be pleasant, but it takes a lot of energy and doesn't get her a trip to the toy store so she just saves it for when she really, really needs it? Maybe, though, she just REALLY is unaware of how her actions effect others. I think that may be the most likely possibility. I doubt she pays attention to her own feelings, much less other people's. She does want to attach, so maybe when it's pointed out blatantly to her she feels badly or realizes what she's been doing.
So, I think I need to do some backpedaling. Back to more of a business relationship, for one thing. Asking her to participate in a reciprocal relationship without constant coaching is not going to work. I'll go back to pointing out people's emotions and exaggerating facial expressions. I'm going to need to get more hands-on. I think I need to find a way to mutate.
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I think you are right. We found with Genea that we had to be in-your-face obvious about what she was doing wrong, why it was wrong, who it hurt, how she would feel, and what she could do instead, then practice the instead 3 times right then and there. We could not say it nicely, or politely. We had to be blunt and to the point. "People will not like you if you bash into them. It hurts. Do you want people to hurt you? Hug my leg gently and practice 3 times". Even if it sounds really mean to say it, she would not get it otherwise. We also practice facial expressions and guessing what is what, but we are really weird here, lol!
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