"Mom, how does the Tooth Fairy fly through the air?"
"How do YOU think?"
"I think moms do it."
"But how can a Mom be a Tooth Fairy?"
"Good moms are lots of things, Princess."

Monday, March 29, 2010

So You Want to be an Obstetrician?

When we picked Peanut up from Sunday School, we could not see her anywhere in the room. Bad sign #1. When her teacher called her and she appeared, both shoes were untied. Bad sign #2. Her teacher said, "she didn't want her shoes tied for some reason," and when she tried to tie them, Peanut ran away. Bad signs #3 and #4. Josh sat with her to wait for her to tie them while I retrieved the other children. They were still sitting in a corner when I came back. Bad sign #5.

I didn't witness it, but Josh reportedly dragged a screaming Peanut out of church to sit in the Suburban. Peanut is incredibly skilled at making a scene look and sound like she is being torn limb from limb by an abusive parent, so Josh was steaming when the other kids and I got to the car. Literally. Like I couldn't see in the car windows.

After a very loud drive home, I marched Peanut up to my room (Parent Tag Team). I informed her she would be paying the screams back minute-by-minute with peace and quiet, and she would be paying Josh back later for purposely making him look like a Bad Daddy at church. Then I held her so that, while not uncomfortable, she would be unable to punch me in the face. I held her facing inward, so that she'd be able to hear my heartbeat and my deep breathing. This left some of my anatomy exposed to baby teeth, but that part of me is small; I figured it would be hard for her to get a good grip.

While waiting for her to calm, I thought. I knew the problem wasn't Josh. I knew it wasn't her shoes. Something made her feel crazy; what was it? I was thinking through the scene, about that poor Sunday School teacher trying to bend down and tie Peanut's shoes when she was so obviously pregnant, and.....


Peanut has a hard enough time when someone other than us or her time-proven teachers and sitters are in charge of her. But if that relative stranger is pregnant, look out. Pregnant women who are in charge of Peanut are a trigger. A bad one. A while back she made some highly disturbing threats to a pregnant sub that would have likely gotten her expelled if she were a couple of years older or in a different sort of school.

Once I realized this trend, it made sense. The Cuddle Bear was conceived when Peanut wasn't even a year old, so any pre-removal memory she has of her birth mom must be of her with a large belly bump. And by all reports, her birth mom did not exactly thoroughly care for her.

When I told Josh my theory on what went down, he said, "but she wants to be and obstetrician?"
Well, of course.

And obstetrician takes babies out.