"Mom, how does the Tooth Fairy fly through the air?"
"How do YOU think?"
"I think moms do it."
"But how can a Mom be a Tooth Fairy?"
"Good moms are lots of things, Princess."

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It Takes Two to Argue

I am not an argumentative person. I might give you a piece of my mind, but I rarely argue. Peanut happens to have a gift, though; the gift of Provocation. I am convinced that child could get Ghandi to bite.

I was tired after swim lessons yesterday, and Peanut was performing her weekly ritual of Dance Around the Locker Room Naked. I asked her twice to get dressed, then told her that if I saw her buck naked doing anything that did not involve to process of wearing clothing, I would dress her and then she would sit. In one place. I turn around a moment later, and her naked hiner is in the air while she folds her towel on the locker room floor. I dress her. She sits. Pretty soon she is so distraught by attention not being centered on her that she declares loudly and emphatically, "DINOSAURS ONCE LIVED RIGHT HERE IN THIS VERY SPOT UNDER THIS CEMENT BENCH!"

I don't know what possessed me. I really don't. I was tired. I was hungry. My defenses were down. And I said,

"you have no way of knowing that dinosaurs lived underneath the bench in the Covert Public High School Girls' Auxillary Locker Room."

Why? Why would I do such a thing?

Now, in my defense, this child is deeply in tune with people's "buttons." I am fairly sure that more than one sub has cried herself to sleep at night. There is a parapro in her classroom that looks at her sideways each day to assess her mood. One of the high school student volunteers is forbidden to speak to her, because every time he does she provokes him to the point of fury. She is good. But I should know better.

So we had a knock-down drag-out fight in the high school hallway about dinosaurs. I'm sure I showcased my parenting skills nicely. And I couldn't even stop myself there. In the car on the way home the other kids were talking about how much they like swim lesson, and when Peanut growled, "I hate swim lessons," I actually said, and I quote, "no, you just hate being wrong about dinosaurs." Can you believe it? I bow my head in parental shame.

The worst part? Josh claims that dinosaurs did likely live in this area, so as far as I know there actually are dinosaur remains under that bench. Josh thinks I should apologize. But if I did that, then I'd have to apologize for last year's fight about Whether One Can Play Soccer in the Snow. And that's not happening.


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  2. LOL! I get sucked in to the but why all the time. I had Teena out shopping one day when she was about 2 and she wanted to smell all the clothes we passed. I actually stood there and tried to convince her that was a silly thing to do and looked weird to boot. Sigh.

  3. That's hilarious! How do kids know how to do that?

  4. Hahaha, I've totally done that (though with other people's kids)..once you get started there's no good way to get out!