"Mom, how does the Tooth Fairy fly through the air?"
"How do YOU think?"
"I think moms do it."
"But how can a Mom be a Tooth Fairy?"
"Good moms are lots of things, Princess."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

You're Making My Plum Stink

I knew Sunday would be no better at breakfast. I knew, because Princess asked for three non-breakfast items she knew she couldn't have before asking for the nectarine.

The Nectarine. I bought four nectarines because Buddy asked for them, Buddy doesn't like most fruit, and only fruit is allowed between meals. I only bought them for Buddy, because that sort of thing usually goes bad before it gets eaten here. My oversight was that it only goes bad if it's for EVERYONE. If it's for someone in particular, then it become the most sought-after item since the Cabbage Patch dolls of the '80's. So I said, "no, the Nectarine is for Buddy because that's the kind Buddy likes. But good news! The fridge is FULL of fruit YOU like! Look at all this fruit I bought just! for! you!

She didn't buy it.

She chose a plum. And I knew Sunday would be no better because every time I came near her she accused me of making her plum stink, and then washed it so hard each time it eventually disintegrated down the drain. It was not a good start.

Sunday. Was. No better.

Monday morning I was to Josh telling me Princess was downstairs puking. I ran downstairs, and Princess was getting a sippy cup of water.

With a strange smile.

Princess gets sick strange, but I've never wondered if it was purposeful. Because you can't fake vomit, Right? I wish I knew. What I do know it that she made hideous retching noises producing about two tablespoons of spit-like substance twice. And then she asked for breakfast. Because I don't trust Princess's own determination of her stomach contents, I always stick with keeping the water down for twenty minutes before trying "sick food," and nothing but "sick food" unless she hasn't thrown up between breakfast and dinner. Plus, I made her stay on the sofa because she never wants to lay around like every other sick person on the planet, but she will not/ forgets to carry a bucket along with her, which resulted in an unfortunate carpet incident not long ago.

So. Possible faked illness + no good food + staying on sofa + everyone sick and tired of being screamed at, kicked, pinched, and hit with shoes therefore keeping waaaaaaay clear of the sofa = no extra attention + tantrum with bucket thrown at mom's head.

The bucket incident was near dinner time, and as she had missed the past two dinners (being that "throwing things at people" and "forks" are not compatible). Knowing that three of anything in a row indicates it's being done for a Reason,  I told her that if she did not join us for dinner tonight, I would not be expecting her at dinner for the rest of the week.

And then after the children were asleep, I laid face down of the floor and asked, "why? Seriously. Why?" of God repeatedly.

Today I was on my game a little more. I deflated two almost-tantrums, got her to take a time-out instead of raging, and got her to say she needed a hug. At swim she was allowed to try no bubble, almost drowned, and asked for a bubble. But I found a new Laundry Hiding Place. I cleaned it out and put it on Princess's bed, along with the fresh laundry. I went downstairs and told Princess to do her laundry, adding that, "from now on, if you hide your laundry you get to practice NOT hiding it by taking all the clothes out of the closet and putting them back in directly." She told me she was done, and I checked the hiding place that I had just cleaned out. There, were several of Peanut's shirts, STILL. ON. THE HANGERS!!!!"

"Um. Princess? What was your plan for these?"
"Your plan for these. What was it?"
"I didn't hide them behind the dresser!!!!!"
"But what was you plan?"
(Incredulous, pained at being accused look)
"Well, I don't really need to know your plan. I was just curious. But I do need you to go do Peanut's laundry to pay her back for trying to get her in trouble. And if you ever feel like telling me what your plan was, I'd love to hear it. It would make for an interesting story."

And then it was 4:30. I started making a cheese sandwich (plus carrots and milk), and Buddy asked why I was having lunch now. I said, "oh, no. This is Princess's dinner." "Why?" "Oh, Princess and I talked about it already."

Bat Ears: "What?"
Me: "Dinner. Remember? I told you last night that if you didn't come to dinner I was going to plan on you not being there the rest of the week. But I thought you should have something to eat. So here you go!"

And she munched happily away.

We went to swim and came back. I sent Princess to get on her pajamas and brush her teeth while I served dinner. She came in the dining room.

"WHAT!!! But that looks GOOD!!!"
"Um, y-eah! It is good."
"Why can't I have some?"
"Like I said. You haven't been coming to dinner. It's easier for me to plan on you not coming to dinner this week."
"But! But! But! You didn't tell me we were having THAT!"
"True. But I feel you should use family behavior not matter what we're having for dinner. I hope you'll start joining us again."

Mwa ha ha ha haaaaa.


  1. Im giggling away here... sounds just like our house....

  2. I hate to tell you, but Genea can puke her little guts out in a most spectacular projectile way, AT WILL. I never would have believed it was happening, I mean, without gagging herself or anything. Just sitting there and BLEGH! It happened many times before I read 2 other blogs of Moms with daughters who have the skill.
    Congratulations. She could have been good at math. She is good at this instead.
    (sarcasm font)

  3. @Essie: Just as long as she can put it on a resume...

  4. "She probably won't do that when she's a senior in high school." This is a quote from my mom. Next year my "baby" will be a senior in high school. I don't know how I am going to cope with my mother's cliche "ray of hope" phrase all used up.

  5. @Bridges: you can use "she probably won't do that on her wedding day." That's the one I go by.

  6. Calvin learned to ma himself puke this year... a skill I would of been happy for him to miss out on. It happened by accident but now he know... we'll see what happens. Good luck with the dinners, I hope they are all really tasty ones!