"Mom, how does the Tooth Fairy fly through the air?"
"How do YOU think?"
"I think moms do it."
"But how can a Mom be a Tooth Fairy?"
"Good moms are lots of things, Princess."

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Bananas With Chives

We have had quite the sneak-fest going on here lately. In addition to the Hanger Incident, we have also had a Skittles Incident, and now a Fruit Salad Incident. And those are the ones I know of.

Chronologically, the Skittles Incident came shortly before the Hanger Incident. I came downstairs, and the Cuddle Bear informed me that "sick" Princess was asking her to get her Skittles. This is not the first time the Cuddle Bear has been used in this way. Princess uses her because Princess has sensory issues and has a difficult time climbing. Peanut uses her because when the Cuddle Bear was very small, she would obviously be in less trouble than Peanut for taking candy, so Peanut would hang around underneath the Cuddle Bear waiting to be handed contraband and then scatter quickly when parental footsteps became audible. Later, when I put the Skittles in the pantry (which has a doorknob cover which, for some inexplicable reason still foils the Cuddle Bear), I discovered the previously half-full bag was now almost empty. Which also implicated Peanut.

This morning when Princess asked to do her "I am special" card, I said, "absolutely," but when she asked me to get the Skittles I said, "I believe you've had your share for the week Princess." She pretended to throw away her card, and then stomped out of the room. But when Buddy discovered the Skittle carnage, he was irate, and I insisted Princess confess. While she did start out insisting she didn't do it, she did eventually confess. I made her do it again without the "Peanut did too!" tacked on the end. But then, Peanut, who I wasn't entirely sure was involved, began to get all self-righteous on Princess. I leaned in and did the Two-Inch Eyeball Stare, and she dissolved into a puddle as close to the floor as she could get.

So we're out of Skittles.

And if that is explainable, try it out on this one:

Princess and Peanut were outside in the garden. And then they weren't. They weren't in the sandbox. Or at the swingset. Or on the patio or bikes. Which left one place other than on the lam: the treehouse. I have never known them to play in there just the two of them. I very quietly closed the door. I used my toe-heel walk through the yard. I stealthily climbed the ladder. And I stuck my head in the window.

Peanut immediately saw me and turned around to face the wall (inside the wall, actually) and covered her face. Princess looked right at me and kept on doing what she was doing, which was cutting a peach with a butter knife. They were making fruit salad: nectarines and sliced bananas sprinkled with chives on a garden kneeler. Those chives must have taken some dedicated work. Plus the knives: I didn't hear them come in. So either they were very very stealthy, or they had taken them earlier and stashed them in the sandbox. My Oneida knives. And while I stood there, silently, I screamed in my head, "I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THAT STUFF IF YOU ASKED! YOU KNOW YOU CAN HAVE FRUIT IN BETWEEN MEAL IF! YOU! ASK! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

But what I said, in a muy muy soft voice, was:

"Peanut, I'm glad to see you are having that feeling. Because that feeling is telling you something is wrong."

And then, to both:

"Please clean up and come inside."

I walked to the house, each step sounding why! why! why! why! why!, and since it was coincedentally snack time, served Buddy and the Cuddle Bear cookies and milk.

Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa.

Two interesting things happened next. The first was while they Peanut was cleaning up, Princess began to yell at her to hurry up. I pulled her aside and said, "Princess, that bad feeling is telling you something is wrong. You can't make it go away by yelling at Peanut. You can only make it going away by talking to me about what you did and apologizing." And I walked away. A few minutes later from behind my head I heard, "Mom?"
"I took fruit and your knives without asking. And I'm sorry."
And next to her appeared Peanut. "Mom? I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have done that."

Drop jaw.

"I forgive you. I love you. I think you're great." x2.

The second was that Princess asked, "what did they have for snack?" as opposed to the usual "what are we having for snack?" showing that: 1. she was fully regulated, and 2. she is getting the hang of my consequence style.

And then she asked me to cut her hair and put it into pigtails.

This week has been a total roller coaster.
It's Wednesday.


  1. I hear you..... total roller coaster here to... but I keep reminding myself..if i went to a fair ground to ride a roller coaster i would have to pay for it.... hang in there... sounds like they are doing good with consequences