Two years ago Josh and I were badly betrayed by someone the children knew as well. This person had been outwardly kind to them, and there was no way to hide the betrayal from them, so they've had a great need to process it. Over. And over. And over. Every few months one of them (usually the Cuddle Bear) randomly brings it up, and I have to relive it. Big Girl Panties- ON! So again, last night, in the Suburban, again, from the Cuddle Bear.
Is he bad, Mommy?
I'd call it "dishonest" and "untrustworthy."
Is he mean?
(deep sigh) Everyone has some good and some bad in them. How much of each has a lot to do with the choices you make. It's really hard to know what's in someone's heart. And it's complicated. People who act mean usually have had big hurts, too.
Quiet reflection (I think. It could have been nose-picking). Then Princess.
Like me?
Oh, honey. I don't think you're a mean person. I think when you act mean, it's because your big feelings get too big. I love you so much.
Yeah. You won't ever stop.
No. I won't. Ever. For any reason.
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I love those conversations when they tell us what they need to hear and then listen as we say it!
ReplyDeleteSigh...
ReplyDeleteAmazing! By staying calm and reasonable about that betrayal you have shown your children a great example. Kudos to you and your husband!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful glimpse into your life. Thank you!
ReplyDelete"People who act mean have had big hurts" is such a perfect way to explain it. This kind of conversation happens a lot in our house, esp with one foster child who tends towards sometimes being aggressive and then feeling really bad about his behavior and wondering if he's a bad person.
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