You might have noticed some important things. Like the distinct lack of attention to detail. Princess's pa.nties, for instance. Or that everyone's knees are in their chins. Or that everyone but Princess looks distressed. Or like that there are apparently no adults in this family. These details should only lead you to one conclusion:
at the taking of this photograph, I was furious.
In fact, if memory serves me, I had locked myself in the basement and was crying while trying to scream, "what's the use of pretending we're a normal family? How about we send out a picture of three kids fighting and one kid screaming and punching everyone?"
By this point, Princess had capped off the past four hideous days with such gems as, "I did talk nice to you. One time last night at the party," "I did say sorry. To that little girl," and my favorite, "yeah, well, you slammed me into the wall." For that particular beauty, I think she's referencing a time earlier that day when she flung herself into a wall. But she hadn't meant to, so by default it turns into me doing it.
For the entire weekend, I was not able to say even one thing to her that didn't provoke an onslaught of Mean. Before Princess, I was pretty sure I'd just laugh when my kids did the "I hate you" thing. But I was thinking of regular kids. This child has so much anger and hurt trapped inside her that she refuses to acknowledge or let out, that it's really hard to not take the seepage personally. Most of the time, I think I do ok. But when someone works THAT HARD to the sole goal of Making You Not Like Her, well, it's really tempting to give in. And my armor cracked.
Josh gave me a big "you're the reasonably mentally-healthy grown-up, so act like it," pep talk, but it HURTS! I'm stumbling on better today (thankfully, since it's a snow day, oh horror of horrors), but I did lose it a bit when Princess told the Cuddle Bear she should say she was sorry for something she did to Buddy. Oh really? She should say what? That she's sorry? For making someone feel bad? Princess, I don't think you're ready to teach that one yet. I think you'd better learn it yourself, first.
Of course, I should talk. I am not exactly practicing forgiveness, here. I'm trying to remind my self how horribly frightening it must be to not trust anyone enough to say even, "Someone said there's no Santa. I'm upset. Please help."
Horribly frightening.
Oh, my gosh. I'm just SO relieved that someone else can utter the words "what's the use of pretending we're a normal family?" I have given up. I have one child I had to sneak around and take his photo secretly just so I could send the proper report to Russia. Somehow we got a portrait for the church directory last year; just too bad we all look like we are about to be deported.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being honest! When my children fight and scream and we are having a bad day- I always feel like an AWFUL mother, I always feel like nobody else's children do this (because I dont see them!). Its good to know i'm not alone :)
ReplyDeleteLOL! I am sorry you have had such a rough few days. I have not even been brave enough to attempt our annual Christmas picture. "chicken, bawk bawk!"
ReplyDeleteIm with De there we havent done ours cause I know by the end of it I will be screaming .....
ReplyDelete"what's the use of pretending we're a normal family?"
So I guess we are in this one together.... keep your chin up Kerrie ... as hard as I know it is :)
We have our pictures taken in public (less likely to misbehave), by a photographer (not me! and a cousin so we get a mega discount)... this helps a little with the behavior. The photographer still has to take about 50 shots (we do a big bunch, and then I look at them and insist we do another big bunch because there's not one usable one) and we ALWAYS end up photo shopping, because there's always that perfect picture, except... the one child who's not smiling in all but one picture (when I discover what he's doing and threaten him with his life if he doesn't smile - and this is the only after that point where he doesn't look like he's dying of arsenic poisoning), the one who's about to sneeze, the dozen where it looks like I have a triple chin instead of just a double...
ReplyDeleteAnyway they look adorable, and there is no such thing as a "normal family."
Mary in TX