"Mom, how does the Tooth Fairy fly through the air?"
"How do YOU think?"
"I think moms do it."
"But how can a Mom be a Tooth Fairy?"
"Good moms are lots of things, Princess."

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Toilet is Your Friend. Really. It is

That's right- we are back where we started. All the effort from spring break: pffffbth. Gone. Down the crapper. So to speak.

It's been a slow decline, of course, gaining force as the moving boxes piled up. Why it's suddenly reached it's full point of non-toileting now, two months after moving, I do not know. I don't need to know. I am done. Cooked. Stick a fork in me. Al dente. The toast has popped up. I figure either Princess will use the toilet regularly by the time she's married, or she will find a very understanding husband, but either way I have fully accepted that I. Cannot. Change this. I can't.

And I'm ok with that. The part I'm not ok with, however, is that along with the pe.e come Ye Olde Epic Laundry Battle. Because Princess waits until she is entirely out of pants and/or un.derwear to start a load of laundry. And even that generally involves an argument about whether or not clean pan.ties should be expected to magically appear in her drawer.  Not being able to shut her box doesn't cue her. Taking out the last pair of un.derwear doesn't cue her. Even not having any un.derwear or pants when she needs to change cues her. It's maddening. And I can't even just ignore it, because it's all an excuse to have a major blow-up in which everything it My Fault.

So today, Princess will come home from school exhausted from eight hours of holding pe.e, wet herself, and find no un.derwear in her drawer. And while I'm trying to cook a well-balanced dinner before leaving for gynastics, Princess will spend 45 minutes coming up with thousands of vastly creative ways to produce clean un.derwear, none of which involve starting a load of laundry. Then she will accept a load of laundry must be started. The next 45 minutes will be dedicating to much vocalization and thumping regarding the degree to which the situation is My Fault.

And tomorrow, when the clothing is dry, I will fold it all up and put it away. In the linen closet. To be doled out piece by piece, by me, as needed. Because as much as I hate taking choices away from my children, I hate being coerced into arguing more.

If it's too hard to manage your laundry, that's ok, that's why I'm here.


  1. I'm dying to know... So many RAD kids have pe.e issues. Did Princess' start while she was in foster care? Or did they manifest close to or after the adoption?

  2. "I figure either Princess will use the toilet regularly by the time she's married, or she will find a very understanding husband, but either way I have fully accepted that I. Cannot. Change this. I can't."

    Well said, and absolutely true. I'm cheering for you!

  3. Lynn, Princess never was toilet trained. Her first mother told us at first that she was "perfectly trained" before coming to us, but later said that she never really was. She was 3 and 1/4 when the girls were placed with us. Peanut and the Cuddle Bear both trained themselves against my will before they were two.

    Pants wetting is a common anxiety problem. It's also very common with children who have been molested or sexually abused. It's also tied in with the shame most neglected and abused kids feel. RAD and shame are evil snuggle bunnies.

  4. Thank you Kerrie!

    Both my foster daughters (ages 8 & 9) wet the bed every night. But they have no problem wearing pull-ups so it's really not an issue. And they haven't wet themselves during the day yet - despite having HUGE anxiety issues due to their history of both physical and sexual abuse.

    I'm just trying to stay one step ahead of them. Prepping myself if you will as I'm not sure I could be as patient as you seem to be with the issue. And Christine's song cracks me up - but again I just am not sure if I've got that level of calm. :)

    Keep on keepin' on. You rock!!

  5. Uggggggggggh. We are having a pea festival here too.
    I have already selected Genea's future husband- the son of another blogger. He pea's too so I thought they would be perfect.

  6. My 3-year-old is too macho for the potty (or even aiming when he does). I love your blog and Princess stories! WOW! Would love for you to add your story to our adoption blog hop.